i would punch a child for taco bell
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
