i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
