Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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