i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
