1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
