grandma shit on top of the toilet
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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