He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
