I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
