i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
its liver damage thursday
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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