I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
