I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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