I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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