the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
