have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
