There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
