a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
