So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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