I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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