The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
