Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
