she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
