i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
