im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
