evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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