dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
