Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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