god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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