Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
