The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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