booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
