it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
