"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
