never play flip cup with pint glasses
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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