I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
