I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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