If that was your dad, he is hot
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
