Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
