I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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