Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
