I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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