I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
