Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
