Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
