shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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