can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He passed out mid-signature
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
