Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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