I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
