Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
