I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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