Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
