My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
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